But I deserve this!

The past couple of weeks have been really stressful and difficult for me. I do not need to go into specific details, because I imagine that most of us have experienced one or more of the following- riding an emotional roller coaster, trying to juggle a million different commitments without dropping one, feeling the stress piling up, struggling to decide what direction to go- or basically just feeling plain run down and exhausted.  (Not to mention trying to appear perfect and put together during all of this!).  That, my friends, has been my September.

Even after losing 119 lbs and switching my entire health and fitness routine, when I am having a stressful or bad day (s), week (s) or in this case month, I am still immediately tempted to resort to food to comfort or reward myself. Not only that, but a little inner voice starts trying to convince me that instead of running or exercising, I will just feel better if I take a night off to relax and do nothing.  After the day you have had, you deserve this, that little voice says. Do not be so rigid, you deserve this.

Now, is there anything wrong with indulging in a splurge treat or taking a night off to veg in sweats and watch dvr’d tv episodes? Absolutely not. However, what I have found is the problem is not that - the problem is that this behavior starts leading down a slippery slope of reverting to old habits of skipping more than one run or having a “treat” every night. Then not only are you feeling stressed, tired, and overwhelmed- now you are also feeling guilty!

What I have discovered is that little voice inside my head that is telling me that I will feel better by rewarding myself with food or a “night off” is a liar.  No amount of ice cream or chocolate or bread or pasta will magically elevate my mood or make my problems go away.  And unless I am sick or injured, taking a night off of exercise is not going to “heal” me- in fact it is the opposite- I am convinced that the extra endorphins and stress relief from running is one of the primary reasons that I was able to handle this month as well as I did. 

While I was certainly not perfect, I am really proud of how successfully I was able to fight the urge to return to my old modus operandi of using food to cope with stress or emotional situations- while I certainly had some days that I ate more than I normally do, I was able to emerge from this difficult season without gaining any of my weight back.  It was definitely not easy, but here are some tricks or tips that I learned from this experience:

•  Do not obsess if you overindulge one day or “slip up.”  Instead of feeling guilty over something you cannot fix, focus getting right back on track immediately. One way to do this is to increase calorie burn to compensate for the extra calories eaten the day before. 
•           Do not bring any of your comfort foods into your house- even if they are healthy! I love granola, and while I normally am able to control my portion size since it is high calorie, during this month I noticed I was talking myself into an extra serving almost every time.  So I had to stop buying it for right nowJ
•          Remind yourself constantly of how far you have come and how much you do NOT want to go back and how rewarding yourself with food is a part of that old life that did NOT make you happy before so why would it make you happy now?
•           KEEP TRACKING.  Especially during maintenance phase, when things get busy it is easy to stop tracking your calories or exercise. By now I know the calorie counts of most things that I eat, but I would find myself saying, oh its no big deal, its only 200 extra calories- which is true until you do that 10 times!  I made a promise to myself that I could eat whatever I wanted but I HAD to write it down in myfitnesspal. Trust me, that stopped a lot of overindulging before it happenedJ
• Measure your portions: I recently got out of the habit of this and I cannot tell you how much a difference it makes.  What I think a TBSP of almond butter is and how big a TBSP of almond butter actually is are often very different! Just yesterday, I recommitted myself to measuring out my food again to make sure I stay on track.

 

At the end of the day, I have to keep reminding myself that I do deserve something- but what I deserve has nothing to do with how many calories I eat or how many miles I run or do not run.  I deserve to be happy, healthy, confident and proud of myself and my accomplishments.  I deserve to give myself grace and allow myself to not always be perfect.  I deserve to feel loved and special and important.  And all the candy bars in the world cannot make me feel those things.